If Only

I walked into my house. Within thirty seconds I felt the vibrations of my phone ringing in my pockets. It was one of my best friends. Megan. What's wrong? She never normally called this late. I picked up the phone and she explained. Shock, loss, despair, disbelief all these emotions in one is what I felt. I couldn’t believe my ears. I couldn’t understand what was happening or why. He was fine just last Sunday wasn’t he? I remember seeing him illuminating the sanctuary with his smile and roaring laughter. Nothing was wrong with him, he was happy...he had to be happy. But if he was so happy, or so appeared to be happy why did he do that? How could he do that to his family, his friends...himself? If only we would have known. If only we could have stopped it...if only. If only life worked like a DVD, so that with a click of a button we could fast forward..pause....play....rewind..stop and start over again. If only we could have seen the signs. If only he could have realized that his life was a precious gift from God and that no matter what he was going through, everything would eventually be alright. If only....Death in itself bares millions of different emotions, but unexpected death… unexpected death leaves you with feelings that you will never forget, feelings that will impact the way you carry yourself and live your life every day. I was never the same after that night. I valued life so much more and always made sure if anyone I knew looked pretty down, I would confront them, talk to them and let them know that someone is there and that I care and I will always be there if they need me.

~Dana